Remembering Robin, Trying Again

We scheduled my induction for Saturday. I'm still only 1 cm dilated and my swelling is very painful. It was a very difficult decision. I just don't want Baby Bear to grow too big to fit through my pelvis. We went over the pros and cons with the doctor, Mike was especially concerned with the risks. I understand the risks, and I am a little sad that I'm the one calling the end to my pregnancy. But I figured something like this would be needed. So I'm scheduled to check into Labor and Delivery at 5am on the 26th.

 But this morning my discharge changed, and I'm thinking it could be my mucus plug. (I have no idea what I'm looking for! All I know is this is different than anything I've ever put out.) I asked two women I'm close to and they keep checking up on me, which I'm grateful for, but I feel bad now because I have nothing new to report. I'm not having contractions and Baby Bear is moving around plenty so it's still just waiting and waiting and waiting. I'd be a-ok with going into labor before the 26th but I just don't know if that's going to happen.

 

I know one of the big risks of induction is an increased need for a c-section. I'm actually still hoping for a vaginal birth, but not because I'm afraid of a c-section, although I think my OB thinks I am. I figure the doctor can see more of what's going on with a vaginal birth. I was born by c-section (albeit without a heartbeat) and there's been a lot of advances since then so I don't feel so concerned, and one more scar isn't going to change much for me. Not to mention I'm one of those wierdos that loves anatomy and medicine but just wasn't smart enough to make it a career choice. I told my husband, if for some reason I need a c-section, I want him to record it. I'd love to see that! I don't want to see my vaginal birth. There's plenty of videos online of that kind of thing, I've seen the stretching that goes on. I'd much rather document being cut open and my baby removed.

 

I guess a good way to look at the current situation is that by next week, we will have our baby. I am having trouble admitting to myself, much less anyone else, that I'm scared. I'm not scared of the process. I'm scared of the end result. If I don't end up with a living baby in my arms, I don't know what I'll do.