I am now past my due date(s). I feel nothing changing down there. Baby Bear is still moving around but there doesn't seem to be any exit strategy. Tomorrow we'll discuss induction at my OB appointment. I'm completely on the fence about it. I know it carries risks and part of me wants to just hurry up and have my baby in my arms but the other part tells me it's better to wait a little longer and enjoy still having the kicks and other movements all to myself before I have to share my baby with ...
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I had my first cervix check today. I never would have thought "use it or lose it" would apply to a girl, but oh my stars was it PAINFUL. I also had the Strep B test and the swab felt like a broomstick going in. I haven't had sex at all this pregnancy so it feels like I just tightened up. It's awful. The cervix is still closed though and I guess still positioned higher up. Baby's not coming too soon. I'm going to start trying massage to see if I can make these appointments less painful. It's g...
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It's the home stretch. Doc says the baby is measuring 4 lbs 5 oz and is currently positioned for a natural birth. I went over my birth plan with her, which felt even more uncomfortable than when I was putting it together. I feel so strange planning for the end of this pregnancy. I'm already registered at the hospital. After my last appointment we went to Babies R Us and made our first registry. There we ran into my brother (my best friend since 7th grade) with his daughter. I know he's ...
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Entering the third trimester, I'm even more nervous about being confident that we're having this baby. We went to South Lake Tahoe and on our first night my ankles blew up like balloons. I've never had swelling like that except with a sprain. My husband asked if I wanted to cut the trip short but I said no, I'd just tough it out. It hasn't happened since coming home.

What did happen when we got home was the very day after we'd returned, I got slammed with some kind of stomach bug. I couldn't e...
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Once again, I was unable to see my regular OB but I didn't mind this time. The doctor that did see me was one of the three I was under the care of in the hospital for my miscarriage. She is a damn good doctor in our opinion. She handled us well in the hospital and at this appointment she made a good impression again. She didn't try to fake it through the appointment, she told us right at the beginning she obviously wasn't completely familiar with my case and asked us to bring her up to speed ...
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We had the anatomy scan today. I prepared myself for the absolute worst and felt like throwing up at the end of it. We're 18 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We've made it past the point that Robin had left us. Last week's appointment had Dr. Stone guessing the baby was a girl because of what looked like a "hamburger" but she did say not to run out and buy anything since her equipment is so old and there is a lot of growth between week 17 and week 18. The ultrasound tech at the high risk office tha...
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I started having strange feelings early this morning. Not emotions, but sensations in my abdomen. I was laying on my right side and I had this sensation that felt like stage fright, like a cross between a knot in the stomach and butterflies. But it ranged from my pelvic bone to just below my sternum so it makes me question whether or not I might have been feeling the baby move. I've had it twice more since then but it's been lower in it's location. I never got to feel Robin move so I still do...
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My husband has been "suggesting" that we start telling more people. I know it's hard for him to deal with people at work about it but it's still too soon for me. If I had my way I'd not tell anybody until the baby's crying in my arms. But he thinks that's not a good a idea nor would it be possible. So after my last appoinment, I told him that after the new year we'll start telling a few more people. He has my friends working for him and I'd prefer they not know just yet. I know that makes it ...
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These pains are just something I'm going to have to live with, but I'm A-ok with it. Our baby is a bundle of movement with a very strong heart beat. I got a prescription for my migraines. Hopefully this is works as it's our last defense for them. But at this point I'll suffer through anything. Our anatomy scan is on December 22nd and I'm a bundle of nerves.

My doctor did a sonogram to give me peace of mind and she made a strong guess as to the baby's sex but the machine isn't the best quality...
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Just a quick update, I made an appointment for the 14th to go to the doctor to discuss my aches and pains. More than anything I just want to hear that heart beat. If I can hear that heart beat, it'll be easier to wait for the next sonogram on the 22nd. If I had to go two more weeks just floating along I think I'd become overly emotional and not know how to release it. At least now, I know I can actually see my doctor to discuss my intense concerns right now (and if they try to make me see the...
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At that critical point now. This is about the time Robin died so I'm on pins and needles and just about anything can send me into an anxiety attack or bursting into tears. I'm still having sharp jabs of pain that I'm hoping is only round ligament pain. Still, I'm going to call the doctor and set up an appointment to hear the heart beat and get a recommendation of what to do for the pain. I don't see a doctor until the 22nd, and that will be at the other office that does the ultrasounds for th...
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Another appointment, another heartbeat. This appointment was a little awkward since it wasn't my doctor. This Asian lady walks in and introduces herself as the practitioner and tells us my doctor is backed up. We talk a little about the pains I've been having (it's either round ligament or constipation) and then she gets out the doppler and picks up the heartbeat which is still going strong. I don't know what to make of it, this is almost where I was the last time, and then at my next appoint...
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I got new bands on my top braces and the wire was changed to a 14, whatever that means. I still don't have the bottom ones on. I thought they were going to do that today, but apparently that will be done at my next appointment at the end of December. It feels like I took a softball to the teeth. But I have noticed a change in my tooth alignment so I'm guessing it's going to be worth it in the end.

I got more blood drawn today as part of the NT screening. I go for the ultrasound tomorrow. I do...
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Towards the end of October, my pelvic floor muscles suddenly lost control and I felt leaking. My doctor saw me and ran some tests and it was chalked up to a change in discharge. And the leaking feeling has since gone away. I was glad to get in there before my appointment on the first. The long wait in between appointments is really stressful. My appointment on the first also brought a little bit of joy, we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. This baby is a mover and a shaker, a lot ...

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My appointment on the 4th didn't bring the disappointment I had set myself up for. There's some growth and the beautiful flicker of a tiny heartbeat. I've never felt such relief. It didn't last long though. My next appointment isn't until November 1st and I'm already on pins and needles. It feels like an eternity until then. I just need to keep making it to the next appointment. And then the appointment after that.

A friend came over to drop off her dog for us to watch while she goes to Vegas...
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That's the motto we're going with right now.

I had my first OB appointment for this pregnancy yesterday. It's awful sitting in that waiting room and in those exam rooms. I keep thinking that I shouldn't be there. I should be home with my baby. I pass a door and I think, "That's where they found no heartbeat" and "That's where they put us so I could try and pull myself together." Sometimes I think I should have found a different doctor but for some reason I want to give them another chance.

Dr....
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We got a positive pregnancy test yesterday morning. September 11th, a day I always remember but without negativity. I believe if a nation continues to recall that day with such unhappy thoughts and feelings it will only attract more negativity. Mike's mom had planned a beach barbecue for yesterday and I was hoping to get a positive result so I wouldn't be completely misunderstood. She wanted to celebrate the summer birthdays and Robin's due date was August 10th, the same as my oldest brother ...
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