I took a pregnancy test this morning, it was negative. I'm not completely down and out yet, though. I know it's still pretty early to tell, and the HCg levels might not be detectable yet. I was just feeling very antsy, and now I have something to tide me over and demands patience of me. If another one comes out negative, then I'll probably be in a very deep funk. But I won't mire in that puddle of self-pity until I really have a reason to.
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I've never been good at waiting for anything. I open presents early and I don't like arriving somewhere too early to just sit around and wait. But now, this is the worst type of waiting game. To find out if I'm pregnant or not. I went to Borders' closeout sale and there a few interesting pregnancy books that I picked up. I still have all the ones I bought when I was pregnant with Robin, but there were a few that caught my eye like Pregnancy Dos & Don'ts (Elisabeth Aron, M.D.), A Green Guide t...
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The fertility stick finally showed two double lines this morning. We've been "practicing" just in case I might have read something incorrectly. But I think this one is correct. Not to be too graphic but the coinciding discharge matches what the stick says. I'm pretty sure I've entered the fertile days before ovulation. Now I'm really feeling iffy. What if all the "practice" actually did more harm than good. Like his swimmers have been flowing too freely so they aren't as strong. Or what if I'...
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I'm planning to start using an ovulation kit the day after tomorrow. I'm nervous as hell. I want it to be easy, but at the same time I'm freaking out about how I will handle being pregnant again. And then how will I feel if we don't get pregnant again right away? It's very confusing. I can feel a twinge of excitement that I'm keeping in check. I don't want to get my hopes up and fall deeper when the pregnancy test comes back negative.

I keep recalling this little boy that talked to Mike and I ...
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I've been taking my vitamins. I just had my prenatal check up and had some blood drawn. My work-up while I was in the hospital showed low Protein S levels. The doctor isn't sure if they were low because of the pregnancy of it's a constant thing, so she ordered a blood test. If it is a constant thing, we'll have to do something about clotting during the next pregnancy. I still want to know why Robin died, even though I know we'll never get an answer. I think I'm always going to feel like I fai...
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