The idea hit me yesterday when I was laid up in bed (excruciating back and rib pain): I'm probably going to have to be induced. My body didn't recognize that Robin had died and it needed to let go. Why should we assume it's going to know how or when to release this baby? I had been worried that I wasn't going to recognize the beginning of labor, now I'm thinking that might not be a necessary fear. I'll just have to hang on a couple weeks past the due date until they decide it's time to make t...
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I had my first cervix check today. I never would have thought "use it or lose it" would apply to a girl, but oh my stars was it PAINFUL. I also had the Strep B test and the swab felt like a broomstick going in. I haven't had sex at all this pregnancy so it feels like I just tightened up. It's awful. The cervix is still closed though and I guess still positioned higher up. Baby's not coming too soon. I'm going to start trying massage to see if I can make these appointments less painful. It's g...
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My husband, oldest brother in law, and I went to their aunt and uncle's house for a Wii Dancing night a few nights ago. (My dancing consisted of sitting on the sofa waving the remote around. I was almost the top scorer.) While we were there though. Our seven year old cousin asked me if I could change a diaper while I was holding our eight month old cousin (born only weeks after losing Robin). I told him yes, I knew how to change a diaper. He asked, "Why do you know how to change a diaper if y...

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I started having strange feelings early this morning. Not emotions, but sensations in my abdomen. I was laying on my right side and I had this sensation that felt like stage fright, like a cross between a knot in the stomach and butterflies. But it ranged from my pelvic bone to just below my sternum so it makes me question whether or not I might have been feeling the baby move. I've had it twice more since then but it's been lower in it's location. I never got to feel Robin move so I still do...
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These pains are just something I'm going to have to live with, but I'm A-ok with it. Our baby is a bundle of movement with a very strong heart beat. I got a prescription for my migraines. Hopefully this is works as it's our last defense for them. But at this point I'll suffer through anything. Our anatomy scan is on December 22nd and I'm a bundle of nerves.

My doctor did a sonogram to give me peace of mind and she made a strong guess as to the baby's sex but the machine isn't the best quality...
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Just a quick update, I made an appointment for the 14th to go to the doctor to discuss my aches and pains. More than anything I just want to hear that heart beat. If I can hear that heart beat, it'll be easier to wait for the next sonogram on the 22nd. If I had to go two more weeks just floating along I think I'd become overly emotional and not know how to release it. At least now, I know I can actually see my doctor to discuss my intense concerns right now (and if they try to make me see the...
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At that critical point now. This is about the time Robin died so I'm on pins and needles and just about anything can send me into an anxiety attack or bursting into tears. I'm still having sharp jabs of pain that I'm hoping is only round ligament pain. Still, I'm going to call the doctor and set up an appointment to hear the heart beat and get a recommendation of what to do for the pain. I don't see a doctor until the 22nd, and that will be at the other office that does the ultrasounds for th...
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Another appointment, another heartbeat. This appointment was a little awkward since it wasn't my doctor. This Asian lady walks in and introduces herself as the practitioner and tells us my doctor is backed up. We talk a little about the pains I've been having (it's either round ligament or constipation) and then she gets out the doppler and picks up the heartbeat which is still going strong. I don't know what to make of it, this is almost where I was the last time, and then at my next appoint...
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I got new bands on my top braces and the wire was changed to a 14, whatever that means. I still don't have the bottom ones on. I thought they were going to do that today, but apparently that will be done at my next appointment at the end of December. It feels like I took a softball to the teeth. But I have noticed a change in my tooth alignment so I'm guessing it's going to be worth it in the end.

I got more blood drawn today as part of the NT screening. I go for the ultrasound tomorrow. I do...
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For the past few days, I've been having some cramping and constant lower back pain and once in a while I get a light brown discharge. I didn't tell Mike until last night because I didn't want him to worry. I called the doctor's office this morning and the nurse said that if the symptoms persisted, I should go to the hospital to be monitored. I know it's stupid, but I don't feel like doing that yet. When I first woke up, the pain had actually gone away and I felt fine. Now I have cramping on m...

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I got the spacers for my braces in yesterday. And of course, before bed I floss and pop one out so I had to go back today. I feel like there's giant pieces of steak stuck between my teeth and it's crowding my already cramped my mouth. It hurts so much I think I'm beyond the point of tears. They kept telling my ibuprofen will be my best friend. But all I can take is Tylenol. Mike asked me if I'd be mad if it turned out I wasn't pregnant and was staying away from painkillers needlessly. I told ...
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