I've been giving it some thought (there's a shock, and no pun intended) but I just realized a greater argument for our calling our baby It. Obviously, there aren't too many other options when you aren't willing to divulge the sex with he or she, but what is the most common phrase on birth announcements?! "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!" For heaven's sake, the It refers to the baby! So what on earth is the big deal? I hate coming up with these conclusions so much later than the moment they're n...
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I'm so tired of people and their unwelcome comments. I must have more patience than I give myself credit for. What makes people, especially strangers feel that their opinions are welcome. I had to do some shopping at Vons today and the cashier felt the need to ask me when my due date was and I told her that if it were to come tomorrow, it wouldn't be early and if it comes two weeks from now, it wouldn't be late which is what I've taken to telling everyone who asks because it's true. I'm at th...
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It's been a year now since we lost Robin. I guess it's supposed to be her birthday or something, but she wasn't alive and I don't feel comfortable saying it's her birthday. It's more like an anniversary of a traumatic event, like Pearl Harbor. Not really something to be celebrated like a holiday, but definitely a time to stop and remember and think.

I think about things so much more with her gone. I try to create meaning, real meaning, not just a religious recitation of why things are what th...
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My husband has been "suggesting" that we start telling more people. I know it's hard for him to deal with people at work about it but it's still too soon for me. If I had my way I'd not tell anybody until the baby's crying in my arms. But he thinks that's not a good a idea nor would it be possible. So after my last appoinment, I told him that after the new year we'll start telling a few more people. He has my friends working for him and I'd prefer they not know just yet. I know that makes it ...
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Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Everyone who has been affected by the loss of a baby is to light a candle at 7pm their local time to be a part of a wave of light going across the country. I know some people had a very difficult time yesterday. I didn't. There are more specific days that are painful to me. I felt like I wasn't alone yesterday, even though I technically was home all by myself. But I felt like I wasn't the only one lighting a candle and having a short mo...
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I don't know what happened to me in the past five or so years, but I've become a real girl. But I've not quite grown up. So it's not at all unusual that I DVR'ed The Princess Diaries movies. I actually just finished reading the books, so I wanted to see what artsy liberties Disney had taken with the movies (turns out, more than a lot). But there is a line that struck a chord with me, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear."

Tha...
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Tomorrow I start peeing on sticks. I've never used an ovulation kit before. I've also started taking my temperature in the mornings, but I think I started doing that a little too late to really figure out my average.

I did a fertility ritual, I'm through with prayer although I know there's some that would argue that there isn't much difference. I feel that there is. Prayer feels like begging and I will not do that. I will not beg a god that took away the greatest gift I've received. I spent s...
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