These pains are just something I'm going to have to live with, but I'm A-ok with it. Our baby is a bundle of movement with a very strong heart beat. I got a prescription for my migraines. Hopefully this is works as it's our last defense for them. But at this point I'll suffer through anything. Our anatomy scan is on December 22nd and I'm a bundle of nerves.

My doctor did a sonogram to give me peace of mind and she made a strong guess as to the baby's sex but the machine isn't the best quality so she said not to run out and buy anything yet. We're still sticking to our decision of not telling anyone the sex until the baby is actually born. I've been picking up clothes at the Free Market in Riverside even before I was pregnant again so I have a mix of boy and girl clothes. And the furniture and room decorations I want are either neutral or animal themed so they'll be good for a boy or a girl. I think the only things I'll be buying that are gender specific might be a couple of pacifiers and bibs. I've never really liked the pink and blue limitations for babies.

I still don't feel movement which is really frustrating to me. I lay still at night and concentrate, hoping for a flutter or a thump but there's nothing. I know there's some layers of chunk to go through, I've never been skinny. But getting those movements will help me feel like this is real. I sometimes get small feelings of excitement that this could actually happen but I put them in check. I was so sure I was going to be a mom last time, being excited isn't going to make it any more likely this time.

I got the news that a friend is finally pregnant after her loss. I cried so much from happiness. She helped me so much after we lost Robin, I could tell her things I couldn't discuss with my own husband. She deserves this, much more so than I do. Fingers crossed we come out of this with smiles through the tears.