My husband has been "suggesting" that we start telling more people. I know it's hard for him to deal with people at work about it but it's still too soon for me. If I had my way I'd not tell anybody until the baby's crying in my arms. But he thinks that's not a good a idea nor would it be possible. So after my last appoinment, I told him that after the new year we'll start telling a few more people. He has my friends working for him and I'd prefer they not know just yet. I know that makes it harder for him, and his boss has almost slipped up but thankfully without anyone noticing. The end of December is very important to me. We have the anatomy scan on the 22nd and another my appointment with my OB on the 27th. I want to come out of those appointments with good news and then I should be more comfortable letting a few more people in on the news. I do wish I could have shouted it from the rooftops but it didn't feel right in the beginning and it still doesn't. I said I was going to do everything different with this pregnancy and that includes not telling the whole world the minute the second line appeared on the test. I'm superstitious, I'm terrified of doing anything to jinx this.

I give the divine beings a candle after each successful appointment. They accept each one till the glass is clean, all except one, it was a different color and apparently not to their liking. I won't be using that color again. Why mess with what they prefer? They have given me a feeling of possibility with this baby and I've promised to work with them to love my baby and teach my baby to love. It seems they are as committed as I am. It's difficult to have faith in anything with my first baby gone, but this feels more right than sitting in a closed up building with a bunch of self-righteous strangers praying to a faceless, vengeful god. That's not the supreme power I see aiding us on this precious and scary journey.