We had the anatomy scan today. I prepared myself for the absolute worst and felt like throwing up at the end of it. We're 18 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We've made it past the point that Robin had left us. Last week's appointment had Dr. Stone guessing the baby was a girl because of what looked like a "hamburger" but she did say not to run out and buy anything since her equipment is so old and there is a lot of growth between week 17 and week 18. The ultrasound tech at the high risk office that did my anatomy scan says the baby is very much a boy. I guess with last week's guess, I had already allowed myself to accept the fact that I was getting my little girl. So now to have the possibility of a son thrown at me, I guess it's just the unexpectedness that made me sick. I'm very happy this baby is still doing well. But I came home and cried and went to sleep. I've always wanted a daughter but she was taken away from me and now this feels like a test to see just how much I want a baby, any baby. I'm trying to make amends with the idea of having a boy, just in case. I mean, it's much more likely it's going to be a boy than a girl and I don't want to hope that the tech made a mistake, that would be stupid. But I need to get my head straight. I don't know the first thing about raising a boy. The only qualification I have to raise a girl is that I am one, but I was already comfortable with the idea of having a daughter. I know Mike is happy either way. And I want to be too. I'm just going to keep calling the baby an "it" until we get another picture. As it is, no one is going to be privy to the sex until the baby is born anyway. I looked up ultrasound accuracy to see if there was a chance of there being a mistake and there are images of the "hamburger" that we saw in week 17 but I didn't get to see anything clearly at this appointment (a combination of not wearing my glasses and being too distracted to take much in) so I don't know if we saw a "turtle". Either way, we've been calling it Baby Bear. This mama bear would do anything for her baby, fiercely.