Mike finally read to one of our babies in the womb. He waited and waited to talk to Robin because he wanted to know whether it was a boy or girl first and then the opportunity was gone. On Christmas he wrapped a book for Baby Bear and I got to unwrap. It was How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Last night he read it to my belly and the dogs on the bed. I used to read to Robin and the dogs would come in and lay on the couch or the bed to listen (and fall asleep). I haven't worked up the nerve to start reading again. I do talk to my belly and I figure my singing in the car will familiarize the baby with my voice.

A friend called Mike with news similar to the Christmas present we got last year. He and his new wife are expecting. I'm glad he didn't call me. I still don't take the news very well, and it's usually because people don't know how to deliver it. I absolutely understand the joy in sharing your news with the world with your first child, but the whole world isn't going to be able to have the heart to be happy for you. I absolutely refuse to say congratulations to people that tell me their expecting (even strangers). I just smile and tell them "I wish you all the best." And I'm sincere in that. I just know that congratulations doesn't have a place sometimes. And I don't think this friend understands what our loss really means to us. I was a very devil-may-care type of person growing up, I assume this why people don't get why I don't have the spunk I used to. I'll leave it up to Mike to tell this friend our "news" after the new year. I have no intention of doing so. If I had it my way, I'd continue the life of a hermit and not tell a soul. The thing that irks me about this friend is that he had to tell us that it was his Christmas present, not taking into consideration we had that present last year.

Speaking of Christmas, since this would have been Robin's first Christmas I wanted to do something that would at least feel like we were doing something to acknowledge her. I told Mike I wanted to buy a toy that would have been for a baby her age at Christmas (nine months from my induced labor) and donate it to Toys for Tots. He liked the idea and said we should continue it every year. I'm glad he agrees. We got a rattle/calculator toy that plays music and teaches numbers and put it in the box at Babies R Us. I was surprised I was able to make it through Christmas. Last year, we only told our parents we were pregnant, this year the whole family knows and we're without our first baby. It's sometimes impossible for me to grasp that.